What is Tantric Sex?
According to sex therapist, tantra teacher, and relationship coach Jacqueline Hellyer, Tantra focuses on the sexual practices and philosophies of certain ancient societies including the Indian Tantrics and the Taoists of ancient China, who viewed and studied sex as “both an art and a science.” Hellyer explains that as our limited western views and experiences on sex have started to grow and expand, we’ve realized we’ve been lacking and started seeking out something new and different for ourselves.Tantra fulfills this seeking.
Tantric sex relies upon our being present, in this moment, in the here and now
Says Hellyer, the most essential element of Tantric sex is the concept of “presence” and being in the present moment. Similar to the concept of mindfulness, we must shut our minds and thoughts down from worrying about the future or reflecting on the past in order to be fully present. The present moment, the here and now, is not usually a worry at all, and can be quite lovely if allowed to be truly experienced as it simply is – especially during an act of warm, sensual, and connected love-making.
Sex can be deeply spiritual and sacred
Additionally, Hellyer shares that “western perspectives moving away from a limited view of sex where sex was shameful or smutty to something more holistic allows sex to become uplifting and life-enhancing…There’s the spiritual side. Spirituality will lead to transcendent experiences. It’s also great for everyday sex too, so that sex becomes a wonderfully energizing experience that makes you more vital. And yes – Tantra does lead to unbelievable sex! And when it comes to what turns women on and what turns him on too there is just nothing quite like Tantric sex.”
Through intimate, mindful connection, our health can improve, too
Through being present, sex partners can begin to enjoy the entire process of sex more mindfully, not focusing on the orgasm as the grand finale and most important part. Instead, you’ll focus on a broader range of feelings and sensations throughout the entirety of the experience. Since the focus is more on prolonging the act than finishing it, you can begin to recognize aspects you’d missed previously. Christiane Northrup, M.D. states, “Sexual energy is one of our most powerful energies for creating health.”Author of the book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, Northrup further explains that,“Through the intimate connection with another, our stress hormones lower and our serotonin shoots through the roof.” With this in mind, it’s truly a fact that tantric sex is good for your health!
Beginners’ Steps for Tantric Sex
A few basic beginner’s tools are needed to get you started. First, you’ll need to create a space specifically sought out and designed for optimal intimacy. It should be clean, comfortable, and relaxing. If you like lots of pillows, throw them around the space, but don’t allow too much clutter. Flowers and a light, fresh fragrance are often helpful in creating a deeply sensual space. Music, essential oils, soft sheets (or smooth, whichever you prefer), or a light white noise filter or gently trickling decorative water fountain can add to the essence.
Sync up your breathing
Next, try syncing up your breathing with your partner’s. Sit on their lap and breathe in when they breathe out and out when they breathe in. According to Wendy Strgar, CEO of Good, Clean Love,“Becoming conscious about your breath is central to all yogic practices and is foundational in Tantra.” Focus on trying to consciously energize your breath and harmonize breathing together.
Try keeping your eyes open for the fullest experience together
Keep your eyes open – the whole time. This builds a deeper connection with greater intimacy. Although this may be a challenge for us in the west, it’s essential to the Tantra. Says Strgar, “Truly witnessing the act of love is profoundly transformative.”
Enjoy slow and relaxing foreplay with no hurry to the next step
Take it nice and slow. Foreplay is extremely important in Tantra, ensuring that both partners are connected and aroused. Linger and focus on one another fully, experiencing each moment mindfully and thoroughly.
Transcendance and Heightened Levels of Ecstasy, Anyone?
Hellyer insists that once fleeting moments of bliss can be held for a long time during authentic tantric sex. In addition, it can teach us how to be lovers in ways that are far more satisfying than ever before. With a focus on energizing ourselves through the experience, tantra is about generating, channeling and using our sexual energy across all of life – not just one aspect of life. Hellyer concludes, “Our whole life becomes a sexual expression and we are constantly using our sexual energy.” Be sure to visit Hellyer’s youtube channel for a series of instructional videos on tantric sex.
*As in all my articles, please be sure to contact your physician before attempting this activity or any other activities or diet strategies discussed here.